


The Plan

by MAPMonstersArePerceptions



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Harry Potter Next Generation, House Elves, Humor, Non-Canon Pairing, Suspense, Will she or won't she?, Winky - Freeform, not Rinky, not quite crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:02:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29326686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MAPMonstersArePerceptions/pseuds/MAPMonstersArePerceptions
Summary: Patrick Slouche has a plan to bring down Potter and his Mudblood wife.  It just requires the help of his cousin's disgraced house-elf, Rinky.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Harry Potter
Comments: 14
Kudos: 29
Collections: A Riddikulus Flash Competition





	The Plan

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [RiddikulusComp](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/RiddikulusComp) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Winky the House Elf (person)
> 
> Rated for language and kidnapping.

Mr. Patrick Slouche was a Pureblood wizard. There was a time when that would have meant  _ something _ , even if the Slouche branch was not as well known as its Crouch cousins. There was a time when  _ he _ meant something. 

Then Potter happened. It wasn’t enough for the upstart to stop V-He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. To be fair, Potter probably helped the wizarding world by stopping the power-hungry half-blood. 

Patrick didn’t hate Potter for defeating his cousin, Barty’s, master. He hated him for his insistence on breaking down the centuries-old power structure in place. Ever since the famed Battle of Hogwarts, Potter had used his fame to tout equal representation and opportunities for those of inferior blood status. Rumor had it that his Mudblood whore was running for Minister this year!

Oh well. Patrick had a plan.

“Slinky!” Patrick called out in the great emptiness.

“Yes, Master?” An elderly house-elf answered his call.

“Do you have the means to contact my cousin’s disgraced elf, Rinky, I think its name was?”

“Pardon Slinky, Master, but the elf in question is being called Winky. I’s can pass on a message to her if you wish it, but surely Slinky can do anything—”

Patrick put a stop to Slinky’s words with a kick to the ribs.

“Unfortunately, I find myself in need of  _ Rinky _ ’s services. Tell the elf to meet me in the parlour at 7pm tonight. If I am pleased, I might be persuaded to return it to a proper state of servitude.”

“Master, I d—” A glare cut off whatever Slinky might have said. “Yes, Master.”

  
  


At 7pm precisely, a  _ pop! _ heralded the entrance of a house-elf in the Slouche-family parlour. 

Patrick watched with cold eyes as the pitiful thing crawled forward in obeisance. Good. The elf knew its place. No doubt, Potter had felt he was doing it a kindness, taking it in after the Battle of Hogwarts. The fool’s kindness would be his downfall.

“Elf, I remember your fall from grace. Twas at a Quidditch tournament, was it not?” 

A pathetic whimper met his ears.

“How would you like the opportunity to serve the family again? Slinky is getting old, and I believe my cousin may have been somewhat hasty in letting you go. I could be convinced to return to you an honorable position…” Patrick trailed off enticingly. 

The elf responded exactly as he’d hoped.

“Oh, sir! It would be, it would be… more than Winky ever imagined. Please, please. Winky would do anything, be anything to rejoin the family!”

“Calm down, Elf. You’ve been free for quite some time. Before I can let you back into the fold, I must have a taste of your loyalty, some evidence that I would hold your loyalty before Potter and his wife. I have here a few letters. Over the next couple of days, I would greatly appreciate it if you would… add these to the family’s morning post. The details are all written here.” 

Each letter was designed to subtly lead the Mudblood into embarrassing situations that should hurt her candidacy for Minister while one of them would also cause her to be late to an important debate. Oh, Patrick knew that the likelihood of her falling for all of them was unlikely, but just a few ought to be enough to bring her down a peg or two. 

The elf took them, trembling with excitement at the thought of proving itself. 

“Winky won’t be letting you down, Sir. No, I won’t!”

  
  


Patrick read the Daily Prophet as he awaited the elf’s return. Things had not been going as smoothly as he’d hoped. Though Granger proved her ignorance by falling for every single letter, her ability to think on her feet had allowed her to turn each incident to her favor. It seemed more drastic measures would be necessary. His eyes focused in on a picture of the power couple’s first-born cuddling a lion.

A pop interrupted his musings. His eyes spied a bandage on Rinky’s ear.

“Winky is s-so sorry, sir. I gave the letters as you commanded, but I’s heard that Ms. Hermie was able to work around your plan. Winky punished herself most severely, yes, I’s did. What may Winky do now to help the great Slouche family?”

“Rumor has it that the Potters are going out for a night on the town this weekend. Is that accurate, elf?” Patrick asked while twisting the injured ear nastily.

With tears welling up in her eyes, his willing servant responded, “Y-yes, sir. I’s to watch baby Daniel James while they’re away.”

“Perfect. Tell me of the typical routine during these outings, mind that you tell me everything now. I’ll also need information about the Potter wards.”

As the elf spoke, a new plan formed in Patrick’s head. If he couldn’t create circumstances in which Granger would bow out of the race willingly, he would simply have to force her hand. The successful kidnapping of the  _ darling  _ Daniel ought to do the trick.

Patrick eagerly gave Winky her instructions. They would have to be careful not to attract the attention of the other elf in the residence, but a sleeping draught to both child and elf ought to be sufficient for his needs.

  
  


“Knock, knock!” Patrick laughed cruelly as he slipped into the unlocked home of the so-called greatest wizard of the age. With Rinky’s help, it was easy to slip through whatever protections were provided by the wards. 

Speaking of Rinky, the house-elf was before him smiling broadly. 

“I assume the sleeping draught worked as hoped?”

“Yes, yes indeed, sir. Both Daniel James and Kreacher are fast asleep!” In Rinky’s hand were the remnants of the baby-blue potion that had been put into the two’s supper.

Something about that felt off to Patrick.

“I thought sleeping draughts was purple,” he noted with a hint of suspicion.

“They are, sir, when they’s just for wizards. Kreacher needed a house-elf sleeping draught. Did Winky do right?”

Hmm… Patrick wouldn’t have thought about a different potion being needed for house-elves. Outloud, he just grunted. “Take me to the child.”

After going up a seemingly endless series of stairs, they finally reached the child’s bedroom. Daniel seemed to be fast asleep in his cot. By his head was a stuffed hippogriff. 

As Patrick picked the child up, Rinky explained, “The hippogriff is baby’s favorite toy. Winky thought she could turn it into a portkey for you, sir, so that you could leave quickly. Is that okay?”

The irony of using the child’s favorite toy as a getaway made Patrick smile. “Follow us, elf, and you’ll get what you deserve.”

As he touched the toy, the familiar tug of a Portkey could be felt. The child seemed to be in the process of awakening, Daniel’s movements during the transport making him feel awkward and heavier than he’d been asleep. As Patrick once again felt solid ground underneath his feet, the boy slipped out of his arms. 

Only, where once there’d been a perfectly ordinary human child, there was now an ancient-looking house-elf wearing a diaper. His finger was pointing menacingly at Patrick. It was only then that the man noticed his surroundings. 

Rather than his ancestral home, Patrick found himself in some sort of cell. Outside was Rinky.

“Rinky, you idiot! Get me out of here!” 

Rinky tutted, and it was then that Patrick noticed what the elf was wearing. Whereas always before the elf had made a point of dressing in a pillowcase in his presence, now it was dressed almost like a wizard ready for war. Instead of a wand, however, a butcher’s knife was tied to the belt.

“Mr. Slouche is a silly, silly man, thinking Winky would betray her new family for a chance to be your slave. I’s wonder… ought I leave you to Kreacher’s mercies or join in the fun?” Elvish faces were not meant for such a cruel smirk.

The elf locked in the cell with him laughed eagerly. “Oh, let me, let me make nasty man pay! Winky made me drink nasty Polyjuice; I deserve some fun!”

Patrick could only watch in horror as the house-elves bickered over who had most earned the right to ‘play’ with him.

Just then, Potter came sauntering into the dungeon. “Now, now you two. Stop tormenting the man. We’ve got to leave something for Wizengamot to prosecute, right?” Salvation was at hand!

“But Mr. Harry! He thought I’d put Baby Daniel James in danger! Can’t we have a little fun?”

Potter gaped. “You really don’t know Winky at all, do you? I could almost, almost see her agreeing to give us mail without telling who it is from, but Winky’s the most protective nanny ever. You really are stupid.” Here he turned to Winky, “I’m sorry he insulted you with such a stupid plot. Hermione’s due home in ten minutes. We need to turn him into the authorities before she arrives. If you can make sure that happens, I trust you not to go too, too far.”

A giant, happy grin enveloped Winky’s face. 

“Yes, sir! Kreacher, tie him up!"

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for Reading!


End file.
